The Waiting Game

So I’m still playing the waiting game. A game I’m guessing we’ll need to get quite used to. When I hadn’t heard from the surgeon with results from the MRI yesterday afternoon I called his office. He’s only in his rooms Tuesday and Thursday and the receptionist told me they hadn’t received the report from the radiologist yet. I called CQMI to find out if the report had been done. Nope. The receptionist there was going to chase this up to be done for the surgeon by today. I’ll call CQMI again soon to see what’s happening at their end.

The practicalities of life are keeping me grounded at the moment. As are my girls. They still need looking after, and even though Derek and my mum are doing a fantastic job of doing most things around the house and for the girls, I’m also doing my bit. It feels good to be needed. Rosie’s gone off to daycare today after missing last week due to illness. She loves going and some normalcy for her is what I think she needs right now. She asked last night and today if daddy’s going to work. She knows something isn’t right as obviously he would normally be there right now. Derek never has sick days.

Derek left work on Thursday as soon as I told him the news. He’ll be taking off as long as is necessary and then may go back in a lesser role. He’s job has been pretty full on since taking it on in March last year. I think his work will be quite understanding about the situation but I know they do heavily rely on him so I’m guessing he’ll be missed while he’s not there. We need him here though and obviously we come first. Derek will be taking care of the financial and lots of the practical side of things. He’s strong my boy but I know he must be hurting like hell inside. It’s got to be hard for him to see me going through this and I hope his friends rally around him as he’ll be needing support and kindness as much as I will be. Maybe even a night out here and there to relief the stress of the situation.

It’s also got to be really hard on my mum. Mum’s been through cancer herself and lost a sister to cancer two years ago. What a horrid disease.

Polly’s much better today and we’ve started giving her expressed breast milk to get her used to bottles. I want to wait until she’s 100% before weaning her onto formula. She’s still got a cough and blocked nose. I’ve decided not to give her a bottle myself just yet. Just can’t bring myself to do it. Its nice to have our cheeky smiley Polly back. She’s so different to Rosie who was a very serious baby, hard to crack a smile from. She’s just what I need at a time like this. She really lightens the mood. Rosie is keeping us grounded too by being your typical self centered 3 year old. I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just the way it is and has been since soon after Polly’s arrival. If she’s not getting the attention she wants we all know about it! It will be hard to give her what she needs from me going forward. I expect that her behaviour in this manner will get worse before it gets better. There are going to be days when I’m not physically or emotionally capable of fulfilling her needs and that breaks my heart. I’m really unsure of what approach we should take if and when I do become sick from treatment or after surgery. Complete honesty? Can a 3 year old handle this? Or do we play it down? I think that would require more energy and I’m not sure I’ll have it in me. Which is better for her I wonder…

Anyway, still waiting and wondering. If you’d like to receive updates in your inbox just sign up to the top right of this page.

Love and kisses, Cas

9 thoughts on “The Waiting Game

  1. Cas, you are one strong lady and I’m inspired/amazed/in awe of how you are handling this. Your girls have the best role model they could ever ask for in you. Both Trent and I are here if ever you or your family need anything. Sending all our love and positive thoughts your way xoxoxo

    • Cas I don’t think I could put it any better than Simone, so I second what she has said. I love you all and am here to do anything for you xoxo

  2. it must be so frustrating for you all at the moment. i’m sure you will decide what approach will work best for your girls. they are lucky to have a mum like you who even in a time like this is putting their needs ahead of your own. i’m sure there’s not a doubt in their mind how much their mummy loves them xx

  3. Cas, I agree with Simone, you are in inspiration and I am also in awe at the strength and grace you are facing this with. Can’t believe that you are being kept waiting on the results 😦 Grab this awful disease by the balls girl, take strength from everyone of us who is rooting for you, we are all happy to give it up for you. Thank you for sharing your journey. It is our honour to share it with you. xo

  4. Cassie, the way you are handling this is beyond admirable. To be so candid and open with your thoughts and emotions during what must be the most challanging hurdle yet, is so generous to friends and family. Like everyone who has posted before me, you have our total support if and when you need it, just say the word. We are thinking of you chaps and sending you lots of love x

  5. Hi Cass & Derek. Our love and thoughts and prayers are with you 24/7 . Just want to give you all a hug. XXXX. Belinda & Bryan

  6. Oh Cassie, I am in tears my heart aches for you and your family. I just wish there was something I could do take all your pain away and make things better. I am sending all my hugs and kisses your way. Thank you for letting us share your journey we will be praying for you everyday. Lots of love xoxoxo

  7. Cas, sending all my thoughts to you, Derek, the girls and your family. Your strength is shining through, your courage is amazing. I am lost for words to help you at this time. Thinking of you since I heard the news, but I have not been able to express my feelings for you. All the best in your journey sweetness, I will be following your blogg. Sending my angels to join your angels in this fight with hope and strength xx

  8. Dear Cassie, At this time, I hope you don’t mind sharing a little of your journey with us. Like others, we wanted to let you know we are shocked at the news and can empathize with some of what you might be going through.
    Praying for you,
    Lv Steve & Cherril

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