So I’m still playing the waiting game. A game I’m guessing we’ll need to get quite used to. When I hadn’t heard from the surgeon with results from the MRI yesterday afternoon I called his office. He’s only in his rooms Tuesday and Thursday and the receptionist told me they hadn’t received the report from the radiologist yet. I called CQMI to find out if the report had been done. Nope. The receptionist there was going to chase this up to be done for the surgeon by today. I’ll call CQMI again soon to see what’s happening at their end.
The practicalities of life are keeping me grounded at the moment. As are my girls. They still need looking after, and even though Derek and my mum are doing a fantastic job of doing most things around the house and for the girls, I’m also doing my bit. It feels good to be needed. Rosie’s gone off to daycare today after missing last week due to illness. She loves going and some normalcy for her is what I think she needs right now. She asked last night and today if daddy’s going to work. She knows something isn’t right as obviously he would normally be there right now. Derek never has sick days.
Derek left work on Thursday as soon as I told him the news. He’ll be taking off as long as is necessary and then may go back in a lesser role. He’s job has been pretty full on since taking it on in March last year. I think his work will be quite understanding about the situation but I know they do heavily rely on him so I’m guessing he’ll be missed while he’s not there. We need him here though and obviously we come first. Derek will be taking care of the financial and lots of the practical side of things. He’s strong my boy but I know he must be hurting like hell inside. It’s got to be hard for him to see me going through this and I hope his friends rally around him as he’ll be needing support and kindness as much as I will be. Maybe even a night out here and there to relief the stress of the situation.
It’s also got to be really hard on my mum. Mum’s been through cancer herself and lost a sister to cancer two years ago. What a horrid disease.
Polly’s much better today and we’ve started giving her expressed breast milk to get her used to bottles. I want to wait until she’s 100% before weaning her onto formula. She’s still got a cough and blocked nose. I’ve decided not to give her a bottle myself just yet. Just can’t bring myself to do it. Its nice to have our cheeky smiley Polly back. She’s so different to Rosie who was a very serious baby, hard to crack a smile from. She’s just what I need at a time like this. She really lightens the mood. Rosie is keeping us grounded too by being your typical self centered 3 year old. I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just the way it is and has been since soon after Polly’s arrival. If she’s not getting the attention she wants we all know about it! It will be hard to give her what she needs from me going forward. I expect that her behaviour in this manner will get worse before it gets better. There are going to be days when I’m not physically or emotionally capable of fulfilling her needs and that breaks my heart. I’m really unsure of what approach we should take if and when I do become sick from treatment or after surgery. Complete honesty? Can a 3 year old handle this? Or do we play it down? I think that would require more energy and I’m not sure I’ll have it in me. Which is better for her I wonder…
Anyway, still waiting and wondering. If you’d like to receive updates in your inbox just sign up to the top right of this page.
Love and kisses, Cas